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Witches Incorporated

by Nan Woodhouse

(Extract taken from "LAMDA Acting Anthology, Volume 1", Published by Oberon).

ANNIE is an experienced White Witch, a genial lady. She lives next door to Milly, who is less pleasant. In this scene ANNIE contacts Milly through the wall of her house to tell her about an advertisement she has seen in the newspaper.

ANNIE: (Reading from newspaper.) 'Magic for beginners. How to afford more capacious cauldrons, bigger and better broomsticks...' (Continuing to read with little sounds of surprise and delight.) OO... MM... OH! 'Enrol now for the Whatsit Academy of Witches and Wizards. Learn to make an effective spell in ten easy lessons.' Oh! Blisters, bunions, backache, boils - what a thing to matriculate in Magic!

(She rises and hops around the table in delight, singing.)

Oom pa pa, oom pa pa. (Stops suddenly.) I'll make a wall- call. .. Must tell Milly... silly Milly, silly Milly.

(Crosses to wall and taps three times.)

Oom pa pa, oom pa pa. (Listens.) Millicent?

(Knocks again.)

Where is the silly old... (Her voice changes suddenly as MILLY thumps back from her side of the wall.) Milly! And how are you this morning, dear? (She makes sympathetic noises.) Oh? Mm? There, there. How often have I told you, dear- never go out on the broomstick without your hat -not in an east wind, dear, it's asking for rheumat - toothache. (After a second.) Tell me, dearie, have you seen the paper? Page two, 'HALLOWEEN OFFERS - MAGIC FOR BEGIN - What? (Pause as she listens to MILLY's tirade from beyond the wall.) Not a beginner exactly... What? Yes, I do remember your enchanted elephant. No, dear... No, dear...

(Thump from the other side of the wall. ANNIE covers her ears.)

That's done it!

(ANNIE seizes her cloak and throws it around her.)

Enchanted elephants! I'll show her!

(She crosses and collects newspaper. Puts fingers in her mouth and whistles loudly. A broomstick flies in, she mounts and circles the room awkardly.)

I could certainly use a new broomstick. (She pats the broom.) Not complaining, Bertie, but you are getting a bit long in the too... OOPS!

(The broomstick shoots forward and they exit through the window.)

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